My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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