So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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