I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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