dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
