How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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