i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
