Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize