you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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