hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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