THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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