the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
