I met the friendliest cop last night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
