Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
