Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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