this just has baby written all over it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I lost the right to judge tonight
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
