i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
