I smell stomach acid.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
