I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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