70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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