I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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