these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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