Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
