i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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