WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
