College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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