Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
