I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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