but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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