finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
