Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
