I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
