His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
