sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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