thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
