my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
