I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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