I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
