Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
