we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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