i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
