On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
