Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
