so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
