We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
