Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
