can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
