I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mom said you looked used
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
