I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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