She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
