Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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