There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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