he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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