She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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