First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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