I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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ttyl tear gas
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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