I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
