Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
