The maid of honor just puked.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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