Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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