Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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