2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
