People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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