I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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