who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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