Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
