Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
