for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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