So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
